Afterthoughts

Lately it seems that I have just too many thoughts...most of them random for sure, so I think I'm just going to break them down one by one : )

My Barista
The other day when I was walking to class with pumpkin latte in hand, I was thinking about my barista at starbucks. Okay he's not mine, I don't own him or anything like that, but him and I have a bond that is truly unbreakable. Each fall, Starbucks features a pumpkin spiced latte and it is truly one of my favorite things about this season. Since there is a starbucks a few blocks up form Hamot, I visit this place every Friday, before or after clinical and sometimes even both. Usually its after a long day of clinical, so I can catch up with my best friend who goes to Gannon and this is the time when my Barista is working. He always gives me extra foam and sometimes he sneaks a little whipped cream on top for me. It makes my freaking afternoon: for realzies. We never usually speak, although he knows who I am, and I'm pretty sure he knows my name; thank you Hamot ID badge. And in my perfect world it would always be a overcast fall day, my fave barista is working, and my pumpkin lattes are endless. Sadly, schedules change, snow will be falling soon, and there is only about one month left of my fave featured latte. Such is life and the only reason I thought of this was because my pumpkin latte was just not the same. Oh Barista boy...we come from two very different worlds: coffee and medicine, and the two don't really mix, except on friday afternoons : )

Attention Getter(s)
It's hard to find time between studying, clinical rotations, and endless paperwork, to mix with a social life. I find it hard dividing time between friends and my dedication to nursing. I skip dinners, don't call or txt back right away, give up weekends and other things, but I'm not focusing on my sacrifices, that was another entry anyway. I found myself having feelings for a guy...and they were feelings that I hadn't felt for any other guy before. Long story short: he doesn't feel the same way about me and he still doesnt't know how I feel/felt about him...and he probably never will...at least not right now. The point is...after giving it some thought....I wouldn't be a good person to be in a relationship anyway and I know I couln't give the attention needed for something like that. But who does get my attention....that was what I was wondering the other night. Who....and why....It comes down to this: it's my patient(s). The five to eight hours I spend at the hospital, are devoted to my patient, and eventually my multiple patients. They get my knowledge, they get my attention, and yes, they even get my love. For however many hours, minuets, seconds, they get it all. It's a kind of love that completley drains me of all my energy, and there are bad moments mixed in, but its worth it. I figured, I'm not married, I'm not engaged, I don't have a boyfriend. I don't have to divide my attention, between my patients/studies and something like that. I don't know how...I struggle sometimes even with dividing that attention with my friends...and I know I haven't be the greatest of firends lately....so I could only imagine what that would do with a relationship. I am happy with this though, its not something to pitty over, I'm not mourning over a lack of social life or the fact that I don't have a boyfriend. Is it frustrating sometimes? Yes, but everything has a way of working out in the end.

End of Shift
This is it. I'm eight weeks away from the end of the semester and with 15 left in the spring semester, I'm about 23 weeks (excluding breaks) away from graduating with my first degree. This is the end of one shift and the beginning of the other.

As always, hearts, hugs, n' much prayers.....