The Best and the Worst

So huge cardiac exam today...didn't do as well as I thought...and didn't do as bad as I suspected...Turns out that scores are actually 10% higher that what orignally popped up in the end and the bonus exam might just push me towards the grade that I actually want to stay in range with...But still...I'm really angry at myself...I changed answers that I knew were right...I do it all the freaking time:second guess myself. My nursing mentor/instructor from last year always told me that I should never be afraid to have to wrong answer, but I shouldn't be afraid to have to right answer either. Being angry at yourself is the best and worst thing ever: you feel like crap, but you get this incredible drive...almost like you're high or something. Second guessing maybe my Achilles Heel to say the least, but maybe I know more than I give myself credit for, which brings up another topic.
I love to help people, always have and always will, but the thing that gets to me is when it's crunch time for an exam (aka the night before) it always so happens that I'm supposed to "school" people. I don't mind reviewing, hey it helps me too and bouncing off ideas off of each other is a great resource, but when someone hasn't started to review till the night before, it frustartes me. It makes me feel like they're sucking knowledge and enegry away, just to get through an exam, not to retain it for months or even years to come. Apparently the "reason" for my good grades, is not due to my intelligence, but do the fact that I study so much. I know I'm not the smartest one in the bunch, but when a comment like that is made, it kind of hurts. So then why do you seek me out for answers then? I never will brag about my grades...ever...I will never think I'm smarter than someone...ever...Everyone has potential. I just love to learn.
On another note...I miss my job greatly...being at clinical for two days a week doesn't even come close to what this past summer was like. It's hard being a student nurse again...I feel like I'm caught up in this college life/adult life situation, and I would much rather be in the adult life sometimes than stuck in college drama...but I do the best I can. I'm not an intern anymore, no matter how much I wish I could be....Anyway that's all for now...